There's a book every woman I know is reading right now. It's called Strangers, Belle Burden's memoir, and Gwyneth Paltrow just bought the rights to turn it into a film. I picked it up expecting to join the bandwagon. I did not expect it to hold up a mirror. It's about a woman whose husband leaves, and in the rubble of that she realizes she doesn't know a single real thing about her own financial life. What they own, whether her name is on anything, where she stands. He walks out the door and takes the whole map of her life with him, because she never once looked at it herself.

Here's the part I couldn't shake. Her marriage looked exactly like mine. Fifteen years in, three boys, my name on everything we've built, my own money since I was a teenager. I always thought that was what independence meant, making your own money. It took me fifteen years to realize independence is actually knowing what your own money is doing, and I closed that book and realized I didn't. Her husband had to leave for her to find out. Mine is sitting right here with me, and I still didn't know.

So I brought it to Gary, in the least graceful way possible, in the car on the way to dinner, and it did not go how I planned. We get into the prenup I signed at 21 and why the math has since flipped to protect me, the fight that followed, why he heard my questions and thought I was about to end our marriage, and the difference between trusting someone and actually knowing your own life. We only ever teach women this after a marriage is already over. I think that's backwards. I think a good marriage is the best place in the world to have this conversation, so I brought him here to have the rest of it with you.

You can find Gary on:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/garylipovetsky

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKHLJJd07IhT9DPhxsY-EYg

Follow Valeria:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/valerialipovetsky

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@valeria.lipovetsky

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/ValeriaLipovetsky

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/valerialipovetskyblog

Follow Not Alone:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/notalonepod

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@notalone.pod

Podcast: https://www.notalonepod.com/

Shop

Shop my look from this episode: https://shopmy.us/collections/6367477

Amazon Storefront: https://www.amazon.com/shop/valerialipovetsky

‍

0:00 The book that scared me

1:02 How I brought it to Gary

2:23 My money, and watching my mom

5:09 Gary's parents and the scarcity mindset

7:12 The day you said yes, everything became ours

10:50 Beyond the prenup

11:56 Signing it 15 years ago

13:54 The prenup was protecting me too

14:44 Re-examining it now that the math has flipped

16:05 If a friend asked for a prenup and she said no

17:19 Bringing it to the present

28:42 I keep myself in the dark

35:01 You thought I wanted a divorce

35:21 Not in the car on the way to dinner

43:21 I trusted him, so I thought I didn't need to know

45:32 Knowing the balance now, and estate planning

47:50 The way I think finances should work in a marriage

52:12 Making money and raising kids is not the whole marriage

55:16 What I'd tell other women

58:25 Did you learn anything about yourself

‍