You've been called too much your whole life. Too loud, too opinionated, too intense, too independent, too picky. You've done the work, sat through the dates, read the books, and still gone home wondering what's wrong with you. Nothing is wrong with you. You've just been looking in the wrong places.

Serena Kerrigan spent six years as the loudest, most confident voice in the dating conversation, the woman millions turned to, and she almost didn't write her book because being single made her feel like a fraud. In this episode, she and Valeria get into the reframe that changed everything, and it's the same one that led Serena to the man she now lives with: she met him on a stranger's podcast, reading out a text from a guy who had ghosted her, and he told her she wasn't too much, she was just looking in the wrong places.

They talk about why she invented a whole confident persona at eighteen because she was insecure, the year she went quiet building something no one could see, why the most successful women walk around in masculine energy that quietly keeps love out, and the dating advice she's had to fact-check now that she's actually in love. And the line every woman needs to hear: stop calling yourself picky. You're not picky. You're refusing to settle.

You were the prize the whole time.

You can find Serena on:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/serenakerrigan

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@serenakerrigan

Her book, Let's F*cking Date: https://letsfuckingdate.com/

Follow Valeria:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/valerialipovetsky

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@valeria.lipovetsky

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/ValeriaLipovetsky

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/valerialipovetskyblog

Follow Not Alone:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/notalonepod

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@notalone.pod

Podcast: https://www.notalonepod.com/

Shop

Shop my look from this episode: https://shopmy.us/shop/collections/5542133

Amazon Storefront: https://www.amazon.com/shop/valerialipovetsky

What We Talked About:

2:44 The book this isn't, and the book it actually is

3:31 Eighteen, insecure, and inventing SFK as armor

4:15 Standing at the mirror, saying the name out loud

5:17 When confidence starts as a performance

6:24 The night people were blown away that she stopped caring

7:04 I'm actually a sensitive person and an empath

8:30 When the persona became a crutch

9:27 The fine line of knowing when to turn it on

10:29 What guy is going to want to deal with that?

11:07 Altering yourself before you even walk into the date

12:21 Holding up mirrors to yourself

12:47 Going back to figure out what wasn't working

13:07 I didn't think I was worthy of a relationship

13:49 Deciding to show up as herself, not the persona

14:03 Why she walked away to write the book

14:56 When she finally felt like she figured it out

16:09 Calling her agent: what if I wrote a dating book?

17:20 I'm going to stop editing myself

17:38 On a stranger's podcast, reading out the text that ghosted her

18:06 For the right guy, you'll be the perfect amount

18:43 Meeting the man who saw the soft person underneath

19:22 What to actually look for: feeling safe

19:48 When you don't trust yourself around someone

20:40 When you meet the right person, the anxiety goes quiet

21:08 The daddy issues reframe, and the not-enough wound

22:04 The older man, and what she was really chasing

22:46 Whatever you want, that's fine: losing herself on dates

23:12 The dating advice she's had to fact-check now

24:06 The wall she put up when it was actually going well

25:21 Both of you still figuring out who you are

26:54 The three Ps: become the prize, enjoy the ride, never settle

27:32 We're so hard on ourselves

28:16 It's not men are trash, and it's not mason jar affirmations

29:37 The only thing you can control is how you show up

30:34 When was the last time you did something outside your comfort zone?

31:29 Writing the book was the most uncomfortable thing

32:04 A beautiful Miami story

33:28 Why stepping outside your comfort zone changes everything

34:50 You have to be outside, meeting people

35:18 You're most magnetic in your own energy

35:50 Why the modern woman keeps love out with masculine armor

‍